i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
