OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
