Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
