i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
dude. I can hear the air.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
