Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
