im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
