paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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