I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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