I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
