she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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