From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
All I want is dick and wine.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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