Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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