Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
