Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
