I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
