WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
