my shit smells like andre
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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