hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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