we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
