This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
