She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
