If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
