I didn't shave. On purpose
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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