Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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