you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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