Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
wow bdsm is so cute
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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