At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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