D3 body, D1 cock
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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