I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
