Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
