Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
