Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
