god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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