How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
