Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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