Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
