I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
