it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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