My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
