Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize