Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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