we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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