I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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