I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
