Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize