would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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