Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
