I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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