Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
