she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
