i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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