I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
