So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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