Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
