I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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