found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
