Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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