She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
