It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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