Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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