I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
