I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
