My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
