she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize