About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize