dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
