i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
