1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
