how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
