i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
