well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
