So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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