I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
