You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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