Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
