K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
