1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
