Already got asked if we're dating
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
