I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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