2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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