Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
