If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
