dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
