HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
