better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
