My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
