Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
