I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
how drunk are you?
Several
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
