I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
