i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
